How 2 Cans of Beans Completely Changed My Life

Note: For the abbreviated version of this story, head over to my Instagram page, where I share the quick (and also more upbeat) version. If you want the full story, keep reading here. When I was 12 years old, I was diagnosed with depression. My doctor put me on an antidepressant and gave me strict warnings about how to take it. Including never to take more than 3 at once because it could cause cardiac arrest (?!) and to not stop taking it without working with her to taper off it. After about 8 months, I still wasn't feeling any better. In fact, I was feeling worse. Although I could make it through my days without crying (which I hadn't been able to do before), I had become suicidal. Before I was put on medication, I hadn't been actively considering suicide. I couldn't get out of bed most days and cried when I did, but I wasn't thinking about ending my life. Yet after starting Prozac, I began to think how I could kill myself and make it look like an accident. One day I held the bottle of pills in my hand, knowing that just 3 could be enough to do damage, according to what the doctor had told me, and contemplated taking them all. Shaking, I brought my hand up to my mouth. And then, out of nowhere, I had a thought: This is not the way. It wasn't the way my life was going to end, and continuing to take the pills was not the way I was going to get better. Instead I took the pills and flushed them down the toilet. All of them. I do not recommend this. It wasn't long until I realized why my doctor had told me NOT to stop taking them on my own: For nearly 2 months, I went through withdrawals. Cold sweats, diarrhea, insomnia, nausea, neuropathy, vertigo...It wasn't fun. I have no idea where the insight came from that the pills were, for me, making things worse. But I trusted it fully. And I decided in that moment, I would figure out how to get better without medication.

Now, I want to be clear here: I am NOT saying this is what you should do or believe. I am NOT here to shame anyone who uses medication of any kind for any condition. And I am certainly NOT advocating you stop medication without talking to your doctor. I am ONLY sharing my story and what rang true for me. Decades later, antidepressants now come with a warning label: MAY INCREASE THE RISK OF SUICIDALITY IN YOUNG PEOPLE. But I had to figure this out on my own. And I did. Eventually. But it was a struggle for many years. Fast forward to my last summer in college: I was broke, out of shape, and, once again, found myself seriously depressed.

I knew something had to change, and because I felt so terrible about my body, I decided to start working out again. My college rec center was FREE but a 45-minute bus ride away, one direction, which made it hard to use. I started running (because it was FREE & accessible) but wanted more variety. So, I went to the library and borrowed a few exercise DVDs. One of them was Jillian Michaels's 30-Day Shred. It was three 30-minute workouts of cardio, strength, and core. The only problem was the strength portion required two hand weights. And I couldn't afford to buy any.

So I looked around my apartment. What did I have that I could use instead? I opened up my cupboards and saw 2 cans of beans that weighed almost a pound each. I decided those would have to do for the time being. I didn't think it would do much good to start with 1-pound weights for only 30 minutes, but I was wrong. At the end of the first workout, I was DRIPPING sweat and couldn't get up off my couch for 15 minutes. I was so deconditioned that it completely kicked my ass. And I was sore for an entire week. But I kept coming back. After only a week, I was hooked. I grew stronger, lost a pound or two, and, more importantly, felt better mentally and emotionally. By the end of the 3rd week when I had to return the DVD, I was fully committed. 30 minutes a day of exercise had become my antidepressant. Eventually, I saved up enough money to buy a copy of the DVD ($8.99) and a set of 3-pound hand weights ($4.99 each), which was a BIG investment for me at the time--so big, in fact, that I couldn't afford to purchase both at the same time. The DVD came first, and and I continued working out consistently using cans of vegetables. Along the way, I shared with others how working out helped me beat my depression. Eventually, people started asking me to teach them. So I did. First my college roommates, then, after graduation, my coworkers... I went on to become a certified personal trainer, group fitness instructor, and nutritionist, among other things. I've lost count of how many certifications I've received in the name of teaching others about the power of fitness to completely transform your life. Today I am a full-time thought & movement coach. And in honor of Mental Health Awareness Week, I am giving a presentation on Tuesday, May 16 at 1 PM all about the science behind what I discovered on my own: the power of exercise to help your brain stay healthy. This Is Your Brain on Exercise will cover not just alleviating depression but also warding off dementia, increasing learning capacity, and more. It's co-sponsored by the Estes Valley Community Center and Salud Foundation, so it is totally FREE, but we do ask that you register in advance. I can't wait to see you there! And to think it all started by using two cans of beans as hand weights ;-) With fierce love, Chazz