4 Sneaky Ways Complaining Shows Up

Three weeks ago I committed to a complaint fast. Several of you messaged me to say you were joining along. And now, here we are, August already, and the "no complaining aloud, no complaining allowed" project has come to an (un)official end.

But it doesn't feel over for me. I want to keep the momentum going. Like when I gave up soda for Lent one year and decided I didn't really miss it.

Of course, I have the occasional root beer float every now and again on a hot summer day, but it's not an everyday thing. Likewise, I'm sure every once in a while I'll still want to sit down with my best friend and just vent.

And maybe I'm more likely to slip back into the habit of complaining than drinking soda if for now other reason than the human brain is programmed to seek out and solve "problems"—and complaining is a byproduct of that hardwiring.

But I'm looking ahead from a different perspective, more aware of my thoughts, how much control I actually have over them, how complaining thoughts leave me feeling (crappy), and the sneaky ways they can show up.

1. small-town drama A friend texted me to share a disturbing story about someone we went to high school with. The news really bothered me because I could never have imagined this person would do what he was accused of doing.   I wanted to talk about it with other people we knew, but then I caught myself. I thought, How is that in any way helpful or productive? What good would it do you or anyone else to talk about it? That's when I realized that unnecessarily talking about issues like this, even when true, is really just a form of complaining (AKA negative talk that goes nowhere) in disguise.  

2. rehearsing confrontational conversations ad nauseum I was upset with someone and found myself having an imaginary talk with them in my head. (I know I'm not the only one who does this, right?)   I was about 45 minutes in when I thought, "Ya know, Chazz, you're really just sitting here complaining to literally no one when you could pick up the phone and just talk to the damn person already." So I did.   And I realized after that it's one thing to gather my thoughts, prepare my talking points, and/or center myself before having a difficult conversation, but it's an entirely different thing to avoid the real conversation in lieu of an imaginary one.  

3. judging other people I'd be lying through my teeth if I pretended for one second that I don't judge other people. I do, you do, we all do, all the time. It's a part of being human.   Earlier this week I judged a tourist who parked crooked in the Safeway parking lot. Yesterday I judged an acquaintance for something they posted on social media. Today I judged a friend who choose to "wake-n-bake" 30/31 days a month. These are just a few examples of the ticker stream of judgments that rolls through my brain.   And while for the most part I recognize my judgments quickly and remind myself that deep down I believe in the saying "to each their own" (at least in theory, there are times when my judgment becomes toxic. Not toward the other person, but toward myself.   It's simply another form of negative talk that goes nowhere, leaving me stressed and upset. In essence, it's complaining about someone to no one and getting nobody anywhere.  

4. hitting snooze I am so not one of those perky, energetic morning people. Heck, for most of my life I wasn't even a morning person at all. More like an early afternoon kind of person. And while over the last year or so I've felt myself transitioning to be a morning person, I'm still not perky and energetic first thing.   Most of the time I lie there thinking, I just want to close my eyes and lie here for a little bit longer. But I realized this past month that what I'm really doing is complaining about being tired, if only in my head to myself, and it gets me nowhere (literally not even out of bed).   So instead, I've started getting up and getting started on my day and realized it's the quickest way to wake myself up.

Now I wanna know: Did you take part, even if unofficially, in the complaint fast? If so, what did you learn about yourself, others, or complaining in general? Hit reply and let me know.

And if you didn't, know you can implement your own complaint fast at any time. Give it a try for even a week and see how it shifts your thinking. I promise it's pretty profound.

With Fierce Love,

Chazz